10-07-2011, 06:54 PM
UPS pilot complaints
This shit cant be made
up!!!
Just in case you need a
laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our
jobs.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form,
called a 'gripe
sheet,' which tells mechanics
about problems with the
aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their
repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next
flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of
humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by
UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has
never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs
replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight
OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this
aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in
cockpit.
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on
back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a
200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on
ground..
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence
removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more
believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to
stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in
OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected
crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine
missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief
search.
*
P:
Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten
up, fly right and be serious.
*
P:Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed
target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat
installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under
instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a
hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.